Friday, March 23, 2012

I want to weigh as much as a 5th grader.

Well at least this fifth grader. Now for some people, that may be unrealistically unhealthy. For someone with my weight history, that's the top of the healthy range for a 5'7 female. It's frustrating to think that I've always been overweight, minus the first 5 or so years of my life. So I mean I do have skinny photos...but I'm 3.

And because of this, I realize that with every pound I lose, I'm literally turning back time. Right now, I can't say I ever remember weighing as much (or as little) as I do now. I have vague recollections of the numbers 206 and 236, but that's probably beginning of high school or even possibly the end of middle school. I was 274 pounds when I started Weight Watchers my junior year. So this is truly uncharted territory. My first pair of jeans was a size 16 (much of my youth was spent in leggings and oversize t-shirts... it was the 90s). I now own a pair of pants that are a size 14. 1-4. Now in all fairness, I will admit- they run big, but the last time I saw a 4 on a tag, it was preceded by a 2. 

The last recorded weight I've discovered pre-Weight Watchers was on a 4th grade medical summary I dug out last summer. I weighed 140 pounds. As a 9 year old. So by setting a weight goal of 159, I'm pushing 5th grade right there. For the first time, it feels attainable.

 I have less than 100 pounds to lose. Right now it is 86.2.

That number is strangely ironic, because that is the first weight I remember- in kindergarten. I remember sneaking into my parents' bedroom to weigh myself before a shower, cause there was a scale there and well when you stepped on it, the dial moved and told you a number which was really awesome. My number was 86. I was about 5 years old.

So here I am, twenty years later, and I'm trying to lose that kindergarten me. And the layers of myself that I've accumulated since then. Cause for me, that's what my weight and food did for me- protected me. And somehow it took me 25 years to get to the point where I realized I didn't need that anymore.

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