I got 99 problems, but being skinny isn't one.

When I was thinking about writing this entry, and contemplating the number 99, this song (and I wouldn't blast it in your work cubicle) kept running through my head.

Since the beginning/middle of last summer (2011) I have lost 99 pounds. I'm one pound away from a pretty big milestone, and I'm excited, but also a bit scared. the first half of my journey seemed somewhat effortless at times. I won't lie and say there weren't hard days, but I was focused and driven 24/7. This summer made me struggle. A lot. And I know my weight loss struggled because of it.

The biggest thing I had to adjust to was loosing constant contact with my best friend. She is the one person that truly keeps me grounded and focused. This summer, I realized rather quickly that I was rather reliant on the immediate feedback and support I had from her. Sending photos of my exciting breakfast creations made me motivated to eat breakfast every day- and make it something worthwhile. But with her spending her summer in the midst of a military academy Boot Camp, I had to muster up a whole boatload of internal motivation. And that's not always easy. But I managed. And she has her phone back, and while some things have had to change, out of situational necessity, knowing she's more readily accessible has helped get me back on track.

Also, being in an environment where everyone makes poor food choices is NOT the best environment to work and live in. Seriously. I know what helps me is control. I need control and planning to function in a healthy way. If not things go rather poorly. And I end up in the situation I started in. So it's hard to go out with people when time off always revolves around food and a night off is a trip to Dunkin Donuts or the local ice cream place. It's rough. And while I know I did fairly well considering, I did so much better last year, so I know I'm capable of better. And not being able to make my own food and use my food scale (in grams) and measuring spoons led to some questionable guesstimating. But it made me realize what works for me and what I need to be successful.

So part of this all is why I think coming back to blogging is the part of the support I need. I know that feedback helps me be successful, because while doing it for yourself is important I like sharing the process. So there we go.

As much as this entry is focused on numbers, this journey's been so much more to me. I look at the motivational stories on Sparkpeople and realize I've lost more than some of them. That's such a strange thought because that always seemed like such an unattainable concept. I'm healthier than I've probably ever been since elementary school.

And it's only going to keep getting better :)

Some Weeks Will be Tough: The Bad

This week has been very up and down. Literally and figuratively.

My best friend/ motivator is on vacation this week and it's been hard not checking in with her all day. I knew it was going to be hard, but I thought I was stronger. The first few days were good- my weight's been up and down for the last few weeks, hovering around 240 +/-1, so I was trying not to focus on the numbers. I did a  4 mile walk on both Wednesday and Thursday. And I've been kinda stressed out with school/work so I forgot how much that helps me zone out and focus on myself for a bit.


The low point would probably be yesterday around 3pm. I was early for an appointment and I was sitting in my car, and I had a brownie sitting next to me. At least let me say I did not buy the brownie. It was a gift from a friend (who hasn't spent much time around me lately cause then she'd know that's not exactly on my food wish list. But she gave it to me. I left it in my car. It was individually wrapped, purchased off of QVC. It sat in my car for 18 days. I just realized how long that is. That kind of makes it more gross. But I ate it. All of it. And I wasn't hungry. I tried to stop halfway through, but I kept eating. I hate feeling out of control with food, and I haven't felt like that in a very long time. The last time I binged was around July of last year. And although I realize one coconut topped brownie baked by Satan isn't a binge, I just recognized that out of control feeling and couldn't handle it. It's been awhile since I've had to "write off a day" but that was yesterday. And I went home and ate dinner, 1 cup of ww pasta and 1 cup roasted vegetables, which isn't terrible, but if I could have skipped dinner without people questioning me, I would have. I ended up about 1700 for the day which isn't terrible, but I try to stick at 1200-1300 everyday. And when I looked at the scale today, I saw the consequences. 239.5, whereas I was 238.3 yesterday. And I know weight fluctuates daily, but I also know that fluctuation is all on me.

The worst part about it? After my walk I weighed myself. 237.5. That's my official halfway point. Halfway to goal. I guess I have to deal with some latent self-sabotage issues.


I also had some good things happen this week- I'll post about them later, because there's been good things, and I can't forget those either.